You're A Size 0??!!

I was recently reminded why I hated dresses. Why long after my tomboy years had passed, I looked but never wore, whether it was in my cupboard or a show window. They never fit. I somewhat jokingly set out to find a dress yesterday. Not because it was my choice but because the upcoming occasion absolutely demanded you wear the one piecers.

I stepped into the first store. “To fit you? Oh no sweetheart” I left. I was smiling now. I tugged on the sliding door of the next store and politely recited my specifics, (Unlike Serian Stores the employees of these types of “boutiques” are often courteous and sometimes even condescending in their mannerisms). “You a size 1?” the all knowing saleslady cooed in reply. “Nope.” I proclaimed proudly, straightening a bit. “Size 0.” The all knowing saleslady temporarily lost her omniscient composure. “You’re a size 0??!!”Oh how I love to horrify the masses. “and I’m going to be 20 next year”. I added with a flourish. This brought a collective murmur and one or two once-overs from the other sales clerks. The sales-lady used the opportunity to collect the parts of her mouth that had hit the floor and ensure that her eyeballs had been firmly replaced in her sockets. Once intact she assured me that dresses would be arriving soon. To save myself the trip back, I asked, almost rhetorically, if any Size 0’s would be coming. “No.” I left. How could she when she (and probably even the dressmakers) didn’t know that such as size existed?

I continued to another store. Not intending to find a dress of course, but shocking-store-lady’s-with-previously-non-existent-sizes had just peaked my list of hobbies. This ‘boutique’ seemed no different from the others, same all-knowing sales ladies (this dress would be perfect for youuuu!!) with grand smiles. I once again recited my specifics… the lady dubiously waved me to a single rack. Now don’t get me wrong. There were probably at least 20 racks in the store. My size? one rack. Shared with the size medium.

To be polite I brisked through the dresses. Too wide… too short (I’m not TWELVE for heavens sake)… too bland.. ick… too.. wait. WAIT. I hastily fervently and yet delicately removed the dress from the rack shining in all its glory. “Do you have a dressing room?” I asked stupidly… not daring to believe this beauty would fit I silently slid into the dressing room and, (after acknowledging how nice this particular dressing room was) zipped up the dress and stared and 360-ed. and stared. IT FIT! AND I LOVED IT!
I stumbled out of the dressing room clutching the dress. The price was even more music to my ears. I had found a dress. THE dress. The dress that made me love dresses again. Still grinning I left the store. And you know the sad part? It’s not in my cupboard.

Table Number 9

Celebration

Foods Invented b Accident

POPSICLES



One chilly night in 1905, eleven-year-old Frank Epperson left his soda making equipment outside on his San Francisco porch. The next day, he found that stick with which he'd been stirring flavored powder into water had frozen upright in the mixture. In 1924, he applied for a patent for this "Epsicle," which he then redubbed "Popsicle," supposedly at the urging of his children.

CHOCOLATE


Shards of Honduran pottery indicate that as far back as 1100 B.C., beer makers used cacao pods to ferment into beer. About 300 years later, a thrifty soul reclaimed the previously discarded seeds to brew into a non-alcoholic beverage all their own. Little did they suspect that they were in fact cooking up an obsession for the ages.

ICE CREAM CONES

During 1904's St. Louis World's Fair, Syrian pastry vendor Ernest Hamwi helped out a nearby ice cream seller who'd run short on dishes. He rolled his pastry into a cone so the ice cream could be scooped inside. It was a hit, but Italian immigrant Italo Marchiony had also arrived at that combo, acquiring a patent for an ice cream cone earlier in the year.

Safe Driver

A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"
"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"
He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."
The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned."
The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"

Serian Store Dilema

Okay so remind me not to go in serian stores again? I mean, don’t get me wrong, they’re like cramped packages of good-cheapness, where if it doesn’t fall apart in two minutes you’re sure to see it in town. in another store. Or on somebody else. Well actually, a lot of somebody else’s. Anyway you get the picture. Back to my dilemma. So im there looking for a shoe and I finally managed to figure out that size 36 is actually a size 7 turn around feeling all proud of myself… until I realize. Um, who’s working here? I’m forced to try use my logic skills and do a quick game of guess who. Okay is it the fat lady on the chair? Na she to busy pretending she’s going to try on a suit soon. And so it goes until I finally decide on a person to ask excuse me… are you working here. A slow and lazy turn around, (is it a worker or did I just humiliate someone, A look of disgust… (Okay, definitely a worker) “yea”… just as I suspected. So soon im out of there with my $20.00 shoe feeling good.

Well, Im an all time fan of Last Comic Standing, I love a good laugh but um Your mama jokes… wasn’t all that funny. But lets start with that repeat from last week.. this black dude name Louis Ramey.. had people literally rolling on the ground. He's my new favorite (My last favorite was Lavelle Crawford.) .So im there waiting for his name to be called to say he’s moving on in the competition. And all these white people getting picked before him and im there getting all mad saying it’s cuz he black ana. But he got picked so no worries. America isn’t racist any more though. *cough* Anyway it would be interesting to see how God’s Pottery does. They are funny in their own way. In a challenge to tell ‘yo momma’ jokes, they started rolling out “yo momma’s so awesome that…” and stuff like that. Not surprisingly America chose not to embrace them and they were eliminated this round.

Lavelle Crawford

The new soon-to-be series on NBC "Kathy and Kim"? Yea not looking forward to it. They need to come up with some better shows.. I know it’s a choice between “reality tv” and sitcoms.. but.. sigh. Try harder people. Oh and don’t forget. Introducing THE NEW iPhone! With everything the “old” one has except a few extra features that probably should have been there in the first place. Now those people who camped out outside AT&T stores not too long ago just to wait for the release of the iPhone are probably staring at their phones and wondering if it was worth it. Thanks Apple.

Saccharine